Kuwaiti in New York – part 6 Hollywood hills I’m Coming …

by farahhashim

Farah alhashim

It is 9:38 pm, the weather is freezing outside, though I did not bother to wear my boots tonight, I wanted to look smashing and royal with my Christian Dior black shoes.. i was at my best, my red silk blouse,  short black dress and good luck charm ring inspired by Mary Antoinette collection ;the  beautiful burgundy colored ring was frosting my hand with its beauty.
I was ready for the opera and excited to the point where I was running the entire 20 blocks to get there; there were no available taxis around and the cool breezes were stinging me like a bee.

Here I am in front of the glorious Lincoln Center that in my opinion has a splash of royalty and history in its ambience.
You can feel that every concert or an event there is like an invitation to a ball. Sometimes I could feel that behind those golden wooden doors, Louis xiv is waiting for me to make an entrance.

Unfortunately, the bagel guy across the street brought me back to reality. But it is New York after all, the beautiful horrifying yet amazing city that can take you anywhere to any dimension with a blink of an eye.

I returned to my classical mood, as soon as I sipped from the “chateau latour” glass that was wrapped between my fingers.

Bottles of champagne were popping in the lounge bar, beautiful wrinkled women in warm white fur wrapped around their necks, were moving down stairs with a splash of sophistication in every step they make, men with glasses and cigars were spotted saluting the crowd with a smile or a simple nod.

French and German words were floating along with a poetic feast of salutations and greetings that created an enchanting mood for the waiting hall at Lincoln Center.

Some were commenting on the recent opera entitled “ don Giovanni” others were talking about a recent trip they made to south of France, and some were discussing a certain festival in Vienna.
In the middle of this emotional celebration one way or another I was floating, probably living a dream, a dream that I had when I was young, to be dressed like royalty, and to be born in the 17th or 18th century, but I can’t blame anyone for that.
I guess it all goes down to one thing; Yourself.
You can be anywhere in any time, just use your mind and believe me, it can wander to many beautiful places.

Two more minutes to curtain call, I sat on my chair in box number 35, everything around me was in burgundy, my favorite color. My eyes kept observing and peaking through the crowd.
The crowd looked so beautiful, and perfectly structured like a painting you can spot at the Louvre; A beautiful colored painting of people sitting in an organized matter looking at their best, waiting for the show to begin.

The lights went off, everything seemed so silent, as if we were about to witness a birth of a melody. A soft tune was suddenly unleashed from the pianist at the corner of the stage, that’s when the rest of the orchestra followed him until I realized it.
They were playing Tchaikovsky symphony number 6, movement 4 Karajan. The same musical piece I heard for the first time in my bed in Kuwait when I was 8 years old.

I was swept away from beginning of the tune until the end. Everything around me seemed so blurry, my eyes and ears were focused on the center of the stage, on the maestro’s hands moving along the melodies.
It dawned on me, the first time I heard this melody I was a young girl having a bad day at school, I returned home disappointed because of a bad grade on the math test, and was continuously teased by other students because I was simply different as a half breed Kuwaiti; A second background, a Lebanese one.

Now I’m listening to the same melody, but from a different seat, instead of being 8 years old I’m 23, instead of the gray uniform, I was in my black dress and red silk blouse, everything around me was so perfect to the point where you could mistaken it for a fantasy. I was different.

I can do anything I want. My ideas were floating above me flying around the stage. I thought about my life, it passed like a flash back just in front of my eyes, all those years in Beirut sitting behind the desk learning about René Descartes’s famous quote. “I think therefore I’m” and analyzing Machiavelli’s intentions toward political power; it finally hit me.
Everything seemed so clear now. We spend our entire life searching for the perfect job, the perfect mate, the perfect city and yet we tend to feel miserable most of the time.

I forgot for a moment that I was born in ALSubah hospital in Kuwait.
For a second I closed my eyes and imagined what would my life have been if I was born in Italy or France or even Berlin.
Would I be Farah the same sloppy artist- the perfectionist one? Or another personality ?
I might have been an investment banker or a sales person or even a baker. You never know how life can turn your destiny upside down and take you in directions you would never imagine. .

Will I love my mother the same ?
Be patriotic when ever my eyes spot a Palestinian getting killed on TV?
Will I appreciate Beirut and its beauty and kiss the airplane window when landing?
Will I defend Kuwait in a conversation when it is being criticized?

What will my goals be ? my hopes and dreams?

The sound of violins suddenly awakened a memory I had Back in Paris when I was walking down the street in Saint –Jermaine, where I spotted an old man sitting in the corner drinking wine from a water bottle, and cleansing the painting brush in a small bowl next to him.
He was painting the street in front of him, a group of people were passing by every fraction of a second, I did not know how can he finish the painting if the subject kept moving, I tried to get closer to him, that’s when I discovered he was painting a flower in a vase that was settling in front of his eyesight across the street on a table for two in a romantic bistro just around the corner.

He simply picked what mattered to him, it was unexceptional and he liked it.
I approached the man, and with a simple “Salut” I asked him about the painting, I was surprised when he answered me in German.

There he was a German man sitting in the middle of Paris, painting a flower inside a vase and I wish I took a picture of that beautiful painting that looked so real and scenic.

I was snatched back to reality by the audience ‘s applause. Everybody was standing, the echo of their applause made me wonder … how can we create something so beautiful and yet feel miserable?

The clock hit 12 am, I felt like Cinderella when I was rushing down the stairs that were perfectly covered with red carpet and found myself outside the Lincoln center, the weather was even colder than I remember.
As I was walking down the street heading home, I remembered all those lonely nights I spent in in my studio apartment, behind my laptop editing my film or writing a script or even an article thinking about that day when I graduate and return home and serve my country; just when it hit me !
I’m already serving my country, i’m already making my family proud and I’m already accomplishing my dreams.

I was exploring my true innerself, this old German painter made me realize that you can find what you are looking for in any place in the world.

This memory reminded me of Vincent van Gogh, one of my favorite artists, a real Dutch who spent his early years painting with black and gray until he went to France to a small town called “Arles” where he simply was mesmerized with its beauty and as a result, he discovered color and that helped shape the artistic talent of Vincent the greatest artist of all time.
Sometimes I wonder what the world is preparing for me. I got out of the opera with a great deal in self exploration for my personality.
My year in New York is about to end, 8 days left for my move to Los Angles, California, to the land of stars, Hollywood.
I came to New York with 3 suitcases, a BA in journalism and a fear of the future, I finished my first year in MFA with a diploma in film, 4 suitcases and 14 boxes and a great appetite for knowledge.
Can’t wait to see what this Kuwaiti is going to face in Hollywood…….stay tuned